Forbidden feelings

November 16, 2006

Okay. There is this guy. To some, he is geeky. To some, he is not good looking. To some, he is slightly weird and is interested in random things. To me, he is beautiful. Lets call this guy ‘M’.

I am desperate. Desperate to feel his soft tongue dance in my mouth. Our tongues like ballet dancers as they gracefully move and glide like lovers performing on a stage. I want to hold him close as we kiss. I want to feel his erect penis under his clothes, throbbing, longing for the attention that it deserves. I want no sound. Just silence as he pushes me down, both fully aware of what he is after. I go under the covers. I unzip his jeans. I take them off. I take off his briefs. I slowly start to lick his balls. I hear him pant. I hear him moan. I take one sac at a time in my mouth gently sucking and then I move on to lick his penis. His hands are on my head. He guides me. He is content and I also as he continues to moan with pleasure. I am happy that I can make him feel this way. I take his penis in my mouth and start to lick under the head of his penis as my hands gently massage his balls. He pulls my head closer into his body, his desire to get more of his manhood inside of me. I want to please him. I want to make him feel special. The door is closed. The lights are turned off. The darkness evokes intimacy and he starts to thrust into my mouth. I feel the taste of his pre-cum. A taste that is better than all of the the richest meals in the world. I long for him to give me more of that taste. Our hearts beat faster. He pumps harder. He cums. Exploding deep into my throat. I can taste him. I am happy to taste him. He pulls me up and whispers ‘thank you’ in my ear. I rest on his chest. We fall asleep. Both content.

I want this so bad, I cant. ‘M’ is a friend of mine. I dont want to spoil anything, he doesnt even know I am bi. Part of me wants to ‘come out’ to this guy. ‘M’ is very open with his fetishes and desires for women. Part of me hopes / wonders that if I come out something may just happen. Even if it did happen it would ruin everything and so I can’t.

Being a bi man. Exploring my sexuality, mentally, but not being ‘out’ is hard. This leaves me no room to explore physically unless that is meeting up with random strangers from the internet. I have done that. I dont want to do it anymore. I want something that means much more. I want him. I want him tonight. But I cant.

5 Responses to “Forbidden feelings”

  1. shewalksinbeauty Says:

    Maybe you need a threesome?

    Your passion is so raw. Wanting hurts so much, (I know!) The waiting and the wanting…It makes you crazy in the head where all you can think about is this other person. It is so hard.

  2. A threesome. Could be a good idea, he may go for that 😉

    Thank you for your comments. I do feel that my passion is raw, sometimes too raw. My sexuality is so important to me and wanting it freakin’ hard.

  3. shewalksinbeauty Says:

    I think that sex and lust are so primal they are in their most pure state when these feelings are raw. Anyone who doesn’t feel it in this way is truly missing out on a fantasic world. It is difficult for those of us who accept the rawness and primal need for sex and passion to subdue these instincts, but I wouldn’t trade them for the alternative. There are far too many women out there who do not embrace their sexuality, and for them I am sad.

  4. Mark Says:

    A threesome is certainly a brilliant idea, especially if he is so open to talking about his sexual desires. You should engage him on it sometime because you do share a desire for women — it’s not exclusive of your desire for men. Planning a threesome with him could be interesting. Just be smart about it. I know my wife and I once met with a bicurious guy. He was curious, but wasn’t sure how much. We met him for drinks first and really put out the straight guy thing. So I made sure that the start of things sexually were about him and me focusing on my wife. Just the proximity of him and I taking turns pleasing her meant there was accidental touching (ok, maybe mine wasn’t ALL accidental) which made him more comfortable. Once we got going he was much more into things and surprised me with how far things went. And if he freaks out about something you can always just say in the moment, fun times kinda thing.

  5. shewalksinbeauty Says:

    Once again, ummmm, hello?

    My man and I are ready for threes. Oh, hell…I’m just going to post about it.

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