My night would have gone like this…

November 30, 2006

It’s nearly midnight. I am lying in bed. I am lonely. I came to bed to do the usual ‘porn thing’. There was one problem, I couldn’t be bothered. You see there is no substitute to the real thing and in all honesty I am feeling so lonely right now.  Having a wank by yourself is blatantly no substitue for real intimacy. I crave intimacy right now and I don’t mean of a sexual nature. I crave a man. Today I crave a man. I want a man. I need a man. God, I am fuckin’ desperate for a man.

Okay, here is my ideal scenario. I want to be with a beautiful man. This man cannot be camp, he just has to be normal, probably plays sport, probably good looking, probably a picture of strength.  My evening would have gone like this.. I would have come home from work with my man arriving at the same time. We would have ordered a Chinese take away and got in a bottle of wine (or two). We would have taken the ‘phone off the hook. We would have dimmed the lights. We would have eaten together and drunk wine as we opened up our minds to one another. We would have talked about our day. We would have talked about important things like the state of the economy, how we could run the Country better. We would have talked about non-important things – I would have told him about Alex Tew of the Milliondollarhomepage launching a second project. I would have talked about all my ideas. He would have laughed. We would have moved into the lounge and put on a dvd, and opened a second bottle of wine. We would have lay together on the couch. Our bodies locked together, my hands on his stomach as we watched the girly romantic film that we would have seen a billion times before and still found it funny. As we watched the film we would have kissed a few times. We would have given each other gentle, loving touches. We would have gazed into each others eyes, lovingly. Eventually I would fall asleep. The film would end and my man would take me up to bed. We would have both climbed into bed and I would have fallen asleep on his chest with my hand placed on his stomach. We would have been united. We would have been one. I would have been safe. I would have been secure. I would be praying in my sleep for this night never to end. I would be happy knowing that in 24 hours it would happen all over again.

But, that wasnt my night at all. I was surrounded by family. I ate with my family. I was on my laptop all night whilst watching T.V. The same thing that I do every night. I come to bed, lonely, on my own. I can’t do this anymore. I dont know where to find this man. My standards are so high that my ideal man probably does not exist (unless David Beckham is free, bi and totally in love with me). So, what will happen tonight is the same thing that I do every night, a lonely wank. A lonely fantasy…

2 Responses to “My night would have gone like this…”

  1. shewalksinbeauty Says:

    hmmmm…I’m sad for you and so very unable to offer assistance (wrong sex, wrong country.) But I’ll lend an ear if you need. lisardgirl (at)

    Take care. I’ll be pulling for you.

  2. BeardedWoof Says:

    my condolances. I too would like the same thing; but I’m 23 and I figure that I’m still young and I’ll find that special man or couple someday. Who knows, I may have met him/them right now?

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