Animal instinct & illicit encounters

December 1, 2006

Last night I talked about how I was bored of pornography, how I wanted something more. I have also mentioned in this blog of how I am sick of one night stands, that I want something more. Today I learnt that the human mind is fickle and sometimes you just have to go with what you have to go with.

Okay. Picture this. So, here is me. (You dont know who me is. erm. about 6 foot. Blonde hair. blue eyes. Sexy body. Big cock – you got it?!) Picture me again. I am standing at a train station somewhere in the World. I had just been to the toilet and I was standing outside of the toilet pretty much wondering what to do with myself as I had to wait another half hour. I was standing, pondering what to do with my time (Should it be a Big Mac or should it be a beer?) when my eye caught a beautiful figure of a man. He was in his twenty’s. He was tall and had an athletic body. He was wearing baggy jeans and a baggy jumper. He had a rough looking face, but sexy rough, manly rough and I was in awe. He was walking towards me, not looking at my at all. His body oozed confidence. He had a magnetic attraction. What happened next astounded me and I dont quite now how it unfolded but I will convey the following events as best as I can. This man walked straight past me but it was as though his body was urging me to follow him. Remember we hadnt looked at each other, no signal, no words. It was as though our bodies were just pulling on each other, pulling to be close. Fuck it. I followed this guy into the toilet. We both stood at the urinal and my heart was pounding. I was wondering what the heck I was doing here. I knew that I wanted this guy but I didn’t know whether he wanted me. I didnt know how this would move forward. My heart still raced. I was excited. I was damn scared.

This man walked into a cubicle with the door unlocked and left slightly open. Damn. Did he notice that I had looked at his cock? Was he annoyed? Was he just going for a pee and then he would be out. Would he wait outside the toilets to beat me up. The urge of our bodies said different. What if I followed him in and got punched. I wasnt sure about toilet fucking etiquette but I still felt his body urge mine closer, in the same way that the sun draws my body to it’s enticing rays. I was entranced. Something came over me. I followed him in. No sooner had I walked in the door was locked behind me. His face was close to mine and he started kissing me neck. I melted. He was kissing my face, my cheeks as his hands went up my jumper and he felt his way around my body. I froze. I knew I had to get into this. I knew I wanted it. Still no words. I put one hand on the side of his face and pulled his lips close to mine. People were talking. I couldnt hear them. I was lost. We kissed passionately, his hands exploring my body. My hands were on his firm ass, pulling him closer. Our bodies were communicating in a language that I am only beginning to understand.

He undid my belt as he gazed into my eyes. My jeans were by my ankles. My dick was not only hard, but throbbing. This beautiful man started kissing my chest, moving on to my stomach and stopped at my cock. He was kissing and licking my cock before he took my cock into his mouth. He was pushing my cock deeper into him. He was wanting me to deep throat him as he pulled my body closer to him. The feeling was intense. The feeling was insane. Here was me, in a public place getting a blow job by a guy I haven’t even spoke to. A beautiful guy. His tongue was exploring my cock like the tongue of a choco-holic as it explores a chocolate lolly-ice. With every lick my body trembled. Once again he took his cock deep into his mouth and my body tensed, we both knew what was coming and he got himself in position. His hands were wanking my cock. His mouth was just below my cock. He was waiting for my cum to be released. I wanted this moment to last but literally couldnt hold any longer. I came. I came all over this guys lips and as soon as I did his tongue was licking the cum from the tip of my cock and the smile on his face was as those he was licking the sweetest honey produced by the finest bees. It was amazing.

As soon as he finished licking up my cum the door was opened and he was gone.

I closed the door behind him. Locked it. I sat down. My head was rushing. That was the scariest and yet most exciting experience of my life. I didnt know his name. No words were said. Our bodies spoke. I was sad that he was gone.

Back to the title of this post:

Animal instinct

I was amazed how this encounter had happened. There were no signals, no signs. It was though our bodies wanted to me and they had too. Our bodies had to encounter one another and my logic and reason was forced into second place. This is not like me. Well, it is not like me right now when I long for that someone to be with, when I am bored of porn and one night stands. It is not me. But, for this moment in time, it was me. It was animal instinct.

Illicit encounters

There are many questions rushing through my mind. Was this wrong? Was what I did immoral? Is it dirty? Am I know some pervert who engages in dirty toilet sex? It sounds wrong. But something happened, it was so natural. Is this any different to a guy meeting a girl in a nightclub, taking her home and fucking her senseless? The atraction is there and you just go for it. Is this the same, or is it different? I dont know.

I enjoyed this encounter very much, in fact I have jerked off on it again since I got back. However, there are now so many questions that I will be asking myself. I think this blog may just get slightly more interesting!

29 Responses to “Animal instinct & illicit encounters”

  1. djrapture Says:

    Maybe my vision of you is skewed but it was just yesterday that you were talking about this kind of a ‘domestic relationship’ experience where you are your mate are entagled in, what appeared to be, each others love; and now, you’re pulling a Brian Kinney in the bathroom of a train station?

    Isn’t this a kind of a contradiction or am I just seeing you in the wrong light? What do you even want from a male counterpart? Sex? Companionship? A monogamous -or- polygamous relationship?

    Enlighten me.

  2. Scott Says:

    djrapture, thanks for this. I know, your right. This was an impulse thing. I dont quite know, it just happened. Is it wrong that this happened. I dont know. It was magnetic, it pulled me. Perhaps I am just human. Perhaps it was the fact that I have looked at porn and wanked off for too long.

    I know what I want djrapture. Right now I want to fall in love with a male or a female and for them to be my world. I want that to be monogamous. I want two worlds to collide together and to co-exist. I want to wake up in the morning to be rushing around that person, us both trying to get ready around each other. Having breakfast together. Racing out to work. Texting each other throughout the day. Looking forward to getting home. To have food together. To go on holiday together. To enjoy Christmas together. I want – all these things.

    Perhaps I am wrong. Perhaps I have done wrong. I certainly dont want people seeing me in the wrong light. But what is the wrong light. Have I let my readers down. More importantly, have I let myself down. I am starting to regret something that was nice.

    Perhaps I am wrong. I need time to think.

  3. shewalksinbeauty Says:

    Look at the shit I have done!

    You have harmed noone and lust is natural. Most people are too conformist to see that sex is primal and good. You aren’t looking to have one night stand after one night stand. Or toilet fuck after toilet fuck. A strong relationship is naturally the most rewarding thing and comes with sex! But the primal need is still there. Live for experiences. Don’t hurt yourself, but enjoy your moments as they come.

  4. Scott Says:

    shewalksinbeauty – thanks for this. Part of me feelings like I have done something wrong, this is partly down to djraptures understandable and honest comments. A lot of questions enter my mind.. is this wrong? Have a betrayed a future partner, in some way? I dont know. I suppose I wonder how I would feel if I heard that a future partner had done that in his past. My response would be… that was your past and probably, good on ya! Is this really any different to pulling a girl in a club and taking her home?! mmhhh.

  5. djrapture Says:

    You surely have not let any of us down because we are merely spectators and commentators on your life experiences. The only thing you might of let down is your vision of your future.

    I’ve come across a lot of people in my short life and this is one thing that I don’t understand.. if you want the kind of relationship that you are describing, why would you go and do things that go against that pure thought?

    When people come up to me and claim that they want the kind of relationship that I describe (100% what you described), I look at their past history and if they’re having random flings with people, I am more likely to look at their actions of what they want then what they speak of what they want.

    Like I said on student center, I was in a long term relationship with someone that wanted all that you talked about but their past history contradicted that.. one night stands, partying all the time, etc.

    So here is my statement, or question – really, to you and all of your readers.. if you are looking for the kind of love that he describes, why do you contradict yourselves with what you do now? We all make mistakes but your past does not erase itself completely, when you find someone.. they’ll want to know who you are, deep down inside, and if it’s a part of you to go and do the kinds of things that go against this dream of a monogamous\loving relationship, it’s less likely that you’re going to find it. You can pretend that all of it never happened or lie to your partner but that won’t really get you anywhere either.. believe me.

    Why, why, why…?

    The only two answers I’ve come across are 1. the levels of testosterone, in the male body, are far greater then the levels of estrogen and this serves as a catalyst against feelings of intimacy.. aka, men just don’t think. 2. Most men and women just don’t think at all.

    I want my future partner to have me in the best way possible so why would I want to taint that image by doing everything that I claim to be against until that day comes when I can call him my own?

    I have a feeling that I’ll never really find any answers.

    -Dan

  6. Scott Says:

    Dan – thanks for your message. It has certainly left we with lots to think about and I am grateful that you have made these comments.

    I think one thing that I realise, in life (and I have lived only slightly longer than you!) we all have our ideals, our intentions, our desires but we are all hypocrits because this is the nature of humanity. We all get it wrong.

    Did I get it wrong in this situation? Well there will be a million shades of answers.

    My vision of the relationship that I desire still stands although I also appreciate that this vision is a bit to idealistic, a bit to Hollywood, a bit to ‘Friends’.

    I am going to take time to see what others have to say and reflect, thats the best that I can do.

    I love the bible passage, ‘Be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to anger’ and thats what I am going to do here. Bisexuality is new to me, I dont understand it and I hope that others who understand their sexual persuasion better than me will help me to understand.

    Your comments challenge me though.

  7. shewalksinbeauty Says:

    Dan~ You are elevating the human species to that of gods! People are not perfect. There will always be skeletons in closets and looking at someone’s past does NOT imply their future. It is human nature to contradict ourselves, sometimes even in the same moment.

  8. djrapture Says:

    Scott,

    I like it when others challenge me so I like to do the same to them 🙂

    shewalksinbeauty,

    I fail to see the problem of having corresponding action to signifying thoughts that a person might have. Actions speak louder then words.. right? So, putting it bluntly, why fuck around if you want a monogamous relationship? It’s completely illiogical.

    Just a thought 🙂

    We do have our weak moments but what kind of a strong ground do we have if we fall to our knees at any moment that a temptation, that goes against our value system – which really, is a contradiction since if we fall into temptation, is our value system, in that particular area, all that strong anyway?, comes along? What kind of life is it if we don’t believe in something, follow through with it, and stand our ground? This isn’t to say that we don’t allow someone else to challenge us.. we, as human beings with a healthy sense of well-being, should allow others to challenge our values as it can change them or allow us to become even stronger in our own views.

    If you believe that having random sex is okay, all the more power to you! If you believe that monogamy is great, wonderful! All I am saying is that you should take a stance on what you believe in and stick through with them.. otherwise, it sounds like a very confusing and depressing life. Even if I couldn’t say where I stood on some kinds of issues (aka Scott, this involves you!!), I would at least go through with it and see what I feel like afterwards. If I like it, then I know that where I stand. If I don’t like it, I know where I stand too.

    We, as human beings, are extremely flawed and I am no exception.. but I’m still going to do my best to follow my own values that I have established at this point in time.

    -Dan

  9. Scott Says:

    Shewalksinbeauty – good point. What is interesting to me is that I have grown so much more through the mistakes that I have made in my past, mistakes that I wont make again. I have certainly grown as a person, as an individual. I am still yet to decide whether this is a mistake or not.

  10. shewalksinbeauty Says:

    I think it is ill logic to claim that if you fuck around you will always fuck around and that is all you can ever have and vice versa. And this does not go against “our” value system, but maybe your own, possibly that of the majority. Experimenting at certain times in your life may be a necessity in a path to a greater self awareness. The experiences that we have, good or bad, leave us with new knowlege and insight of the world and the people who surround us…even of ourselves. Self discovery needs experimentation and unique experiences in order be worhty of anything. A path of self discovery that is founded only on social acceptance is foolish. Make mistakes and learn from them, find someone who will love you for those mistakes. On a lighter note, since I am building a soapbox, as the late Bob Ross said, “We don’t make mistakes, we just have happy accidents.” Scott, take this experience, revel in it, and keep it as a part of you. Don’t be ashamed or belittled by it. It empowers you.

  11. shewalksinbeauty Says:

    I am obviously older than both of you!

  12. djrapture Says:

    shewalksinbeauty,

    I didn’t say that “if you fuck around, you will always fuck around” but when you are playing in the wonderful world of relationships, are you more or less likely to find that ideal relationship (of the monogamous standard that Scott is describing) if you have a past history of one nighters when you say that you want something more then that? I, personally, take those kinds of things into heavy consideration. Why? Because I wouldn’t, and most can say the same, want to have their heart ripped out and stepped on because a guy spouted poetry and told me that he’s a new man and everything he did in the past is the past. I would want results.. don’t tell me what you are, show me who you are.

    Loving someone for their mistakes is definitely something I agree with as well. It doesn’t mean I agree with what a person has done but I love them for who they are.. the only time that someone making mistakes would be a problem is if they continued to make the same mistakes again and again.

    People do change and life is about the “path to self-discovery” but, again, I’m talking about the long run here of who he would claim to be alongside what he wants out of a partner. I’ll take it to an extreme here so don’t take me the wrong way.. but is it possible to live a life of one-nighters and find what you are looking for? Probably. Will it make it any easier? I honestly don’t think so.

    I guess the best example that I can think of is that if you want a good grade on a test, you have to do the homework and studying to get to that point.. and we’ve all learned, since the earliest of grades, that you should study as much and as early as possible.

    Struggle =’s empowerment. I couldn’t agree more.

    -Dan

  13. shewalksinbeauty Says:

    I challenge another point.

    What is to say that if you have occasional one nighters that you will be a less desireable partner in a long standing relationship? In the wonderful world of relationships, random sex may happen. It may not happen to you or me it may not happen often, but it happens.

    Will Scott (sorry for talking around you at this point) not find the monogamous relationship he wants because he had a one-timer? No. It is folly to think so. I do not shame him for his encounter.

    I have been with the same man for almost 14 years. We have each had one night stands. We would like to experiment with a threesome. Our marriage is strong enough that we can go that way. Even if this offends people, it does not make for a less dedicated relationship between he and I. You may not want a partner who would be willing to go this route, and that is fine, but does it make our decision wrong? You may not have a one-timer with someone, but does it make it wrong for someone else to?

    If Scott wants a monogamous relationship, he will find it. But on a pure and simle note. Sex is primal and if you aren’t getting any, why not accept the opportunity for release? I doubt he is headed down the path of years of one-nighters, but if he has a few on his journey, more power to him.

  14. djrapture Says:

    shewalksinbeauty,

    You are very right on that just point just the same. Random sex does happen and, like I said, I didn’t say that he wouldn’t but I have thought twice about expressing my own personal views on relationships. It won’t get the conversation anywhere to say, “well, I believe this” when you will say, “well, I believe this and this.” Apples and oranges.

    So then I’d like to go back to my original point of taking a firm stance and don’t fall victim to weakness or shame because if you’re okay with what you do, there is no such thing as the two.. weakness\shame, or temptation, implies that you are going against your values; so why bother to keep those values if they don’t suit you? Adopt new ones and live a happier lifestyle.

    Again, personal views. You see sex as primal while I see it as something else.

    Accepting the opportunity for release? That sounds great but, correct me if I’m wrong, I didn’t hear anything about a condom being involved.. I’m all about sexual responsibility and protection so a momentary release isn’t enough for me, or as it shouldn’t be for anyone, to expose yourself to whatever kinds of STD’s are out there.

    And please, don’t mistake my challenging of his behavior as a way of shaming Scott; I am merely facilitating conversation and trying to get a better understanding of this curious fellow 🙂

    Scott,

    In a previous blog, I asked you about how comfortable you are with your sexuality. It’s obvious that there is resistance to it but I am more curious, on a psychological level, if there are any kinds of influences on how you think. I’d love to see a blog maybe telling us about your past influences of how you have perceived acts of homosexuality?

    In another previous blog, you said that you felt ashamed after you masturbated to gay porn. But, you said you didn’t know why you felt ashamed. Perhaps this is worth exploring? Also, do you feel shame when you masturbate to porn with women in it?

  15. BeardedWoof Says:

    You had consenting sex with another adult, nothing wrong with it. I personally am not into public sex but I will admit that I have fantasised about it and at one point I did want to do it but instead opted for picking up a stranger in a bar.

  16. Oscarandre Says:

    Scott, I have to tell you that I was bisexual once. it’s true – if I wanted sex I had to buy it…

    I’m kidding – I enjoy your blog.

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