And the tears fell…

December 3, 2006

My mind is full. I have so much to digest and put in this blog, but some of it still needs digesting. I would like to talk about my last post: Animal Instinct & Illicit encounters, this was an exciting ‘moment’ for me but it made me think and there were some comments that were helpful, which I am still reflecting on. When things are clearer in my own mind I will post. I also want to tell you about a guy who was on my msn list, I havent spoken to him on msn for ages. I said hello to him this weekend, turns out he is bisexual. An interesting conversations was had and a possible drink lined up. Again, I will blog more about this later this week. There is something that I want to focus on right now.

As I have memtioned before I am only ‘out’ to a few people. I suppose my blog is heavily orientated towards my passion for men because, in some sense, this is my only outlet for that passion. I do love women but with both men and women I have very high standards as to what I like / want – this is not arrogance it is more unfortunate. I can’t help it.

Anyway, as I have started this blog it has led me to gain a greater understanding of who I am. I have struggled with feelings for the same sex for some time. I have never understood this as bisexuality until now and although I am not ‘out’ I am so proud of who I am and coming ‘out’ is only a matter of time. I am wanting to explore more about ‘me’ before I come out. I want to know more about bisexuality from a personal, psychological and societal point of view so that when those around me ask I am more equipped to answer.

I am spending a lot of time online reading other people’s experiences, reading about bisexuality from every point of view stated above. However, the more I read the more passionate I get. Let me reiterate, I am so proud of who I am. But everywhere I look online it seems that society is more accepting of homosexuality than they are of bisexuality, bisexuality being deemed to be a transitional stage towards an understanding that you are in fact gay. How wrong could this possible be and how naive? What strikes me is that people are trying to understand bisexuality from a hetrosexual perspective and quite frankly, it’s not possible.

Despite homosexuality being accepted, it is only to a degree. Homosexuality and bisexuality are deemed as being inferior to hetrosexuality – we all know that! I am passionate about people being free to explore their sexuality without being considered a minority and this makes me so sad. It makes me so sad that in today’s society we are fighting for equality of sexuality rather than being considered of equal worth and value. I can’t tell you how I get so hurt by this.

My online searching led to me viewing a video by a gay teenager, C.J., who was bulllied at his school. This bullying eventually led to an event that ended up with him getting arrested (for doing nothing wrong) rather than those who bullied him getting arrested. C.J., has produced a small video about his experience and as I watched it the tears fell. Passion was rising in me, a passion to see homosexuality and bisexuality viewed as equal as hetrosexuality.

Please take a look at this video clip: http://www.current.tv/make/vc2/sot (Look at the bottom images and clik on the last image, on the righ hand side called ‘We belong’.

The title of this film is as passionate as the content, ‘We belong’. My tears were falling because in a 21st Century society there is a request from a 16 year old male that society sees him as belonging too. I can’t understand this. In the majority we have got rid of slavery, in the majority women are viewed as equal (more so now than historically) and yet people who are trying to understand their sexuality are considered as being of less worth than those who are straight. What a sad world we live in. I am not really into gay pride or bisexual pride. I dont want to go on any gay marches and I am not really interested in heading to gay bars and clubs. Whilst I appreciate that it is important to protest and be proud, whilst it is important for people of like minds to meet, I believe that the more homosexual and bisexual people meet together in groups, as outcasts, then the further we push ourselves down the road towards securing our place in society as a minority.

The tears are falling because I am passionate about fighting a battle that in the 21st Century is a battle that should have already been fought and won.

4 Responses to “And the tears fell…”

  1. shewalksinbeauty Says:

    Society has a lot to learn. There is no way the masses can determine how one person feels.

    I feel for you.

    People are so closed minded they don’t see the grey area between the black and the white. And even when they get comfortable with the idea that there is a grey area they rarely see the shades of grey. You, my friend, are a shade of grey.

    Keep talking, keep writing, keep listening to your heart.

  2. Scott Says:

    Thank you for this comment, it was helpful. Do you think that there actually is a black and white or is everything just grey? I dont know!

  3. djrapture Says:

    I agree, to an extent, that we do move ourselves further away when we meet in these sorts of groups. I don’t club or do the whole gay pride thing for that very reason. I would rather just integrate myself into the whole population and not seperate myself (I think that’s probably a reason why people don’t generally think I’m gay). I’m just.. Dan.. and being gay is a part of Dan but it’s no more then if being straight was a part of Dan.

    I think that bisexual’s have it easier in some areas but harder in others. I think it’s easier in that a bisexual can blend in to society by still finding a form of acceptance, through their heterosexual side, while a homosexual has no claim for it. I think they have it worse when I hear homosexual’s criticizing bisexual’s of not “choosing” a side or heterosexual’s just assuming that they’re gay\lesbian.

    Shades of gray, indeed.

  4. Scott Says:

    Thanks for your thoughts dj, some interesting stuff. You make a good point in terms of bisexuals finding it difficult in terms of how they may be percieved by homosexuals.

    I am still thinking about your comments about my other posts and forming some stuff, will post soon!


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