Well, you see, there is this boy…

December 7, 2006

At the moment I am 100% confused. Imagine taking out your brain, having it thrown around like a rugby ball and then afterwards a spin in the dryer and then putting it back in your head. Have you grasped as much as you possibly can how that would feel? You have. Well thats pretty similar to where my head is at right now!

Okay, to tell the story. I started this blog after coming across the superb blog of another bloke, in his twenties, Al from BiJourney. As I read more and more of Al’s blog I just started to really enjoy his mind. I wondered what Al would be like. I wondered what it would be like to sit down and have a meal with him. I wondered how exciting it would be to get into Al’s mind. To hear his thoughts. To hear his dreams. To hear his passion. To hear his desires. I simply dreamed about this. This is a random feeling, it is not that I am thinking that I want to get into Al’s pants, it’s well, more than that, I want to get into his mind. I want to get to know him. To respect him. To be a strength for him. And if something happened out of that it would only be the ice on the cake, it would be the unexpectedly winning the lottery feeling, it would be the surprise Nintendo Wii console in my Santa sack this Christmas, it would be all that and more.

I continued to enjoy Al’s blog and was mesmorised by the innocence of a picture of himself that he posted, entitled ‘Exploring’. The innocence of this picture was beautiful to me.

I was hooked. I loved the mind and the more that Al shared of his own experience, of his past and a little bit of his life story the more I was both intrigued, amazed and happy.

Let’s speed up to yesterday. Al posts a blog called, Growing out of homophobia, which I replied to saying;

“Please allow our lips to tenderly touch as my hand gently holds the side of your face, my tongue slides in and explores you intimately, delicately and passionately… you may like it ;-)

This was good stuff Al.”

Well Al’s response took me by surpise. Al’s initial response went along the lines of;

“Oh my god! That comment actually made me go weak at the knees. No guy has ever done that to me before. And certainly nobody I’ve never met. How the hell did you do that?”

According to Al, this was only the start of the effect that this little comment had on him and a full blog was posted on by Al as a response to these comments, this post was called Spellbound by a Comment.

This made me feel really fuzzy inside, the fact that I could have this affect on someone. Of course I realise that it was simply the comment that had an affect on Al, not me, because he doesnt know me. As far as I know Al hasn’t got into my mind through reading my blogs, in the same way that I have been in awe at his comments.

So, the confusion. I doubt anything will happen between myself and Al. As far as I know Al I respect him. I would love to go for a meal with Al and just talk and talk and talk. I would love it! However, I understand that there are too many factors at play that will hinder seeing this happen.

However, I wonder, in general. Is it possible to meet someone online, have feelings for them and for that to actually develop into something in real life? Is it even right to take things further with someone you have met online? I know heaps of people who have met people on the likes of MySpace and have met up with them in person. But is it worth it? Is it different in a gay / bisexual situation? I know that people can come across how they want to online – is it actually worth wondering whether something could happen with a certain person or is it best to just put it out of your mind? I dont know.

For now, with Al, I think he is great. I shall be following his blog. This post of mine is an attempt to convey my confusion and the fact that my mind was spinning all yesterday evening, all night (I couldn’t sleep!) and once again this morning. This is not an attempt at a subtle message to Al. He knows how I feel. And this certainly isn’t a Lonelygirl15 staged and scripted online scenario in order to gain more hits to the blog. Something, literally, just happened. Whatever it is that happened I will never know but it was a moment that I enjoyed.

6 Responses to “Well, you see, there is this boy…”

  1. Al Says:

    What is with you and this mind stuff? I want you in my pants! 😉

  2. Once you get to understand a person’s mind better – you get to understand how to operate better in their pants, it’s a good thing, trust me!

  3. Al Says:

    Good. As long as your motives are clear.

  4. Of course I am a sexual being but sometimes, just rarely, someone comes across my path who I leaves me in awe (awe meaning: an overwhelming feeling of reverence, admiration.) On these occassions it is not about hooking up with a guy in order to get myself sexually satisfied, it is about entering into that guys world, as a friend, as a support, treating him with respect and intimacy and if that intimacy leads to sexual imtimacy my passion is fuelled to please that person – to be close, to hold, to cherish and in bed make them feel like the most important person on earth.

    I never intend to be in awe of such people and my respect for them is not geared towards then wanting to shag them and just getting them into bed. That is not my intention here. I have no alterior motives. I have no other intention than simply respecting and learning from you.

  5. Mark Says:

    AH! Again I feel like the voyuer interrupting. However, I wanted to say that I have met a number of other guys (bi and gay) through my own blog and they were all non-sexual in basis up front. In one instance there was certainly much more of a flirtation there. However, in every case it was an incredibility positive experience to met someone in person and be able to share the similarities in situation. Certainly seems like you guys would have a really great connection in person. You seem to be looking for the same thing and might find that in each other — and I’m not even talking about the sexual.

  6. Scott Says:

    Mark, thanks for this. Good to hear from you. The internet is damn hard, you never know how to take somebody / how to read somebody. I am sooo pleased that Al got a kick out of my comment – sometimes we do need to go crazy for 40 mins. However, if it’s all about those 40 minutes and that’s it. Awesome. The key thing here is learning and I am learning from so many people! Cheers for your input!

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