Boys, Girls or both?

December 31, 2006

This whole sexuality thing is, to be quite honest, damn hard work! I have spent Christmas with friends in pubs and generally socialising. Of course, over the Christmas and New Year period the alcohol intake is high but, it seems, so is the sex drive. I dont know, something just happens. Blokes want girls and girls want blokes, it seems like anyone would possibly have anyone over this festive period. Perhaps it is a longing, from those who dont have anyone, well, to have someone, if only for a brief moment in time.

Anyway I have heard male friends state ‘I’d do her’, ‘I am going to do her’ or ‘She is an angel’. I have heard the same from women (although, obviously not the angel comment!) as they refer to guys. I have found myself struggling so much. I have seen angels over the Christmas period, beautiful, petite, shining, smiling and my thoughts have erred along the lines of wanting a girl just a touch, just a taste, someone beautiful to hold and to call my own. However, I have also seen some blokes, some pretty hot blokes. These blokes that I have seen are not angels, they are warriors, they are strong, they are rugged, there are quite literally amazing and I have wanted them too. Just a bloke to hold, to have, to share my dreams with, my life with, a guy to share my goals with. And there the confusion remains, boys, girls or both?

As we stumble into 2007 this year holds a few questions for me:

1) Do I ‘come out’ as bisexual?

Concerns: How will this affect family and friends? Will my family shun me? My mates, I have some great mates, all gym guys and all make comments about ‘gays’ about ‘homos’. What would they say? Would they be supportive? I don’t know.

2) If I do ‘come out’ as being bisexual what if I change my mind?

Concern: I could have a relationship witha guy and then realise that this is not what I want at all. If I do this I would be labelled as bisexual anyway. Do I just need to find a guy to have a relationship with and see what happens? Do I need to declare myself as bisexual before experiencing a proper relationship with a guy?

3) What if this is the worst year ever?

Concern: I am worried that this could be the worst year ever because of my need / want and desire to have a ‘normal’ life as a bisexual guy, or at least as a guy who has a fluid sexuality.

See. Confused is what I am.

I have no idea what this year will hold in store.

Happy New Year readers and friends.

3 Responses to “Boys, Girls or both?”

  1. shewalksinbeauty Says:

    Happy New Year…

  2. puddlejumper Says:

    My husband is bisexual. He has a theory on the answer to your question as to whether you are “bisexual”

    It’s a bit like asking yourself whether you’ve had too much too drink to be able to drive. If you have to ask the question the answer is yes.

    You are bisexual. you are attracted to both men and women. Whether you act on it or not is another question and only you can answer that. Whether you can fall in love with a man depends on whether you meet the right man.

    Go out there and love people. Whether they are male or female. Open yourself up to the possibilty of love. Take each day as it comes and experience life as fully as you can however that may be. Live each day like it’s your last.


  3. Mark Says:

    I agree with Puddlejumper and will take it a step further… You can’t change your mind on being bisexual. If you feel attracted to both men and women sexually and emotionally (any degree of either) then you are bisexual. How you decide to live your life is different. I’m a bisexual married man. I found a fantastic woman to be with. If she was a man I imagine I’d be with him in the same way. So the fact that I am living a generally straight life doesn’t mean that I don’t or wouldn’t consider myself bisexual – even I didn’t explore that gay side of things from time to time in the context of my marriage.

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