Angels and demons…

January 15, 2007

I am not certain. I am not sure. But I think I saw two angels today, they were both in the gym at the same time as me.

I was on the rowing machine, pulling hard and fast (no comments thank you!) in order to reach my own personal best rowing 2000 meters when all of a sudden my elbow collided with the elbow belonging to te girl next to me. I turned around to say sorry but the actual sounds that came out of my mouth were ‘erm, umph, ohh’ followed by the word ‘wow’ and then I turned red and carried on. My own person best was well out of the window. She was stunning. She had a cute face. She had a beautiful body. She even looked amazing with sweat dripping down her forehead! This doesnt usually happen to me, I don’t usually get so blown away over a girl because sadly I have such high standards that I will probably never ever date a girl and be lonely and single for the whole of my solo-sex future. I ended my rowing and walked over to my mate who said ‘whats wrong?’ I said, ‘I have just seen an angel’.

I had continued with my gym routine and had moved on to the weights and then it happened again, this time I saw him. A bloke, in his 20’s with jet black her and a black vest type t-shirt on, his muscles bulding, he was looking cool, calm, collected and his physic was incredible. I saw a male angel. Angel number two. I wanted to speak to him but didnt. I kept looking in his direction. He kept looking in mine. I wondered whether he thought that I was gay. I wondered if he was. We both kept glancing but that’s all that happened – just a glance.

And there, that’s it. There you have it. My demon. Blokes. Girls. Men. Women. My longing for intimacy. My desire to have a blokes arms wrapped around my body when I wake up. My desire to have my arms wrapped around a beautiful girls body as I fall asleep. Damn. How does this thing work. If I was with either sex then would I just want the other? Would I be happy confining myself to a particular gender if I fell in love or would there always be a part of me missing. One day I want to get married, settle down, have kids, but I dont know whether that would be with a male or a female. My demon wrestles inside my mind. Sometimes I think it would be amazing to be in a male-female-male relationship, all of us, together. In this relationship we would each be comfortable with expressing our love for one another, a permanent threesome, all in love, all trusting, all supporting, wow that would be amazing but, I doubt ever possible.

For now I shall forget the demons, I will focus on the angels.

2 Responses to “Angels and demons…”

  1. MK Says:

    you might think im crazy but i have often wondered if i could have that kind of relationship. i dont know why, but i am sure its some kind of lacking, but i think i would be happy with 2 men, who were also lovers. totally odd for a straight girl i know. but there you have it.

  2. Mark Says:

    I wish I had the answer for you, but I don’t. Even as happy as I am in my marriage, and as open as it is… I do always feel that longing for a connection with a guy. There are certainly people out there who have and practice polyamorous relationships, but they aren’t the simple solution. Really what it will come down to is the relationship you have with that one person. Whether you are open about your bisexuality with them and how you need to express it and whether they are comfortable with it. But that’s the important part. You being open and true about yourself with those that it really matters to. You don’t need to figure it all out now. Let it come as it will.

    That said I do agree that a fully open relationship with both a man and a woman at the same time would be incredibly ideal.

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