I am not a stranger to God.

February 15, 2007

I get back from a few days of being away, working away the otherside of the Country. I come back and log on in order to see whats going on in my ‘secret space’, fluid sexuality, my blog, see if there are any responses, e-mails or new comments. I check my e-mail and then, all of a sudden, REALLY pissed off.

I had an e-mail off someone, who chose to remain anonymous but was explaining how they have read through my blog and they strongly believe that I need God. How damn rude is that!? I know that, on the one had this could be seen as a caring and compassionate gesture but on the other they have no fucking right. Just the idea that someone has been searching online looking at blogs and then finds mine and decides to e-mail me to tell me that I need God, it makes my blood boil! Or, even worse, what if they were searching the internet purposely to find us poor souls who need God and then they, arrogantly e-mail them all to tell them so.

The deal is that I am not a stranger to God, whether that is a Christian God, Buddhist or the God of the pixies who live at the bottom of my garden I am not sure but the point is that I do believe in ‘something’. I have even been listening to religious songs and well, enjoying them. Every time I have listened to songs or during the times recently that I have prayed I have felt calm, I have felt like this is a part of my life, as well as my sexuality that I am figuring out. I have felt the response from whoever or whatever to be ‘It’s okay, lets take this step by step’. And I am.

I would never pull two friends together who hardly know each other and say… ‘You guys need to spend more time together’ and then basically force them to do this. If they are not compatable then they are not compatable. Friendships grow and if these two friends who hardly know each other chose to spend some time together and their relationship grows and suddenly they are best mates. Awesome. But, allow it to happen naturally.

Whoever sent me that e-mail, I doubt that you will ever come back to this blog again. The chances are you will go back to your little Christian group and explain about the horrors of the ungodly that you have seen on the internet. All I can say is that Jesus spent time with the sinners, the sluts, the whores, the murderers, the drunks, the lowest of the low. From what I read in my bible is that he never forced himself on people but HE encouraged people to come to HIM when he was ready. The alternative was that when people realised that Jesus was real, THEY shouted out to HIM. I don’t recall any account of nosey, busy body, bible bashing religious fanatics getting in the way.

So, in conclusion… FUCK OFF!

8 Responses to “I am not a stranger to God.”

  1. beautywalks Says:

    Ummmm…yeah, I hear you.

    Ironically, just as I finished reading this post a coworker pulled me into his office to share a voice mail with me. A man left him a message about God and about how we are all just filthy, filthy rags not deserving of this life we have been bestowed. We are all whores and liars and hypocrites.


    Happy Thursday!

  2. Al Says:

    Perhaps a strange reaction on my part, but this post made me want to pick up that book again and make some more progress through the pages.

    Your observations are interesting though. When I listen to people preaching iron-cast rules from the Bible, it immediately repels me from further study. But when I have the space to read it and draw my own conclusions I actually gain much benefit.

    I wish more people could read it with the view of gaining wisdom and not worry constantly whether God exists or not. There are so many people that believe in something (perhaps just a universal energy), but are put off because they think they have to believe in a man with a white beard sitting on a cloud. Many people take the Bible literally but it doesn’t need to be read like that. There is truth in there; the stories are still real even if they are fictional.

    If fanatics would stop pushing, I think more people would discover that worth in a very healthy, individual and balanced way.

  3. Al Says:

    Yay for synchronicity! Just as I finished reading this post I headed over to Debriefing the Boys and read…

  4. Jenna Says:

    I’ve gotten a few of those as well, Scott. Mainly from readers of my personal blog that feel that I’m oversexed, and my bisexuality merely a symptom. Christ, evidently, is the cure. Unfortunately, many Christians are indoctrinated with the this urge to “spread the word”. On the other hand, at least it’s just Christians who seem to have this problem. I notice Jews and Buddhists don’t come banging on the door to “save” my silly ass.

  5. notoriousv Says:

    Jenna: Yeah, us Jews don’t really like “spreading the word.” In fact, we’ll turn you away if you come asking to be converted.

    FluidSexuality: I haven’t gotten any emails like that… but I think if I did I would just feel sorry for who ever sent it. Those people miss out on so much.

  6. Eleel Says:

    Hi. I happened to be here just by searching the word “innerman”. After reading the “innerman” one, I jumped to this one. I love to read you guys words. They are real, frank! I am a Christian. And I also had bisexual experience. I agree with what Jenna said “Christ is the cure. ” and what owner of the blog said is so true — friendship needs time to develop…

    Life is a journey, not as somebody said once you are saved, everthings goes well. It’s a lie. I met a lot Christians hold a lot problems. Religiions can never replace the path each one of us should go through. The healing of innerman is one of it. Without is process, there is no way to have more wonderful and deeper experience of life.

    The owner of the blog said that he is attracted to what he wanted to be, this is a sign of innerman’s voice. Follow it… search deeper into your inner part, recall your memory. Spend time with yourself. If needed, call upon Jesus to help.

    Once we find peace and calm, you will enjoy being ourselves. By then, after all wounds are cured, each pieces are put together, we can be the real owner of our body. We’ll have another view and feeling on sex.: one of the greatest gift from God.

    Life is a gift with wonderful mystery. Once the mystery is discovered, the geartest joy you’ll enjoy…

    Happy our discouvery journey…

    By the way, I am from China… once a Bible teacher, now studying Psychology to help people to reach a deeper and mature life.

    Nice to meet you all.


    Forgive me if my English is not as good enough.

  7. Sinita Says:

    i believe that we all need God, not just you. We all need to purify our hearts and minds, feelings and behaviour.

    We talk of being gay or straight, bisexual, transvestite, transexual. I suspect that we are all a mixture of feelings, identities and urges, often based on individual life experiences. If we were to analyse the feelings psychologically then there would be reasons for the way we feel.

    However, those of us who believe in God, of whatever religious persuasion, generally believe that He has made certain rules for our conduct. Kind of like the Highway Code for motorists. Red light means this, green amber light something else, speed limits and road signs etc. When we do not follow the rules we can get ourselves into trouble. There have to be rules for the roads to run smoothly.

    In the same way, if we allowed ourselves to follow our corrupt inclinations wherever they lead us, who knows where we will end up…

    It is the development of our souls which is at stake here. This life is a preparation for the next and if we fail to follow the rules and do the right thing then we will pay for it later, or perhaps in this life too. This is not me trying to moralise, it’s just something I have observed in my own life (I’m no saint) and I always think it’s good to share. Please feel free to share your thoughts.

  8. Elena Says:

    I agree. We all have a lower animal nature which is capable of so many base and despicable acts – all of us, even those who claim to be “saved”. Life is a constant battle against the lower nature. People of faith strive to subdue the lower nature to the higher spiritual one. This can be through prayer, meditation, fasting, service to God and others.

    If we don’t do this we can go astray and who knows where we might end up sexually – sex with hundreds/thousands of people, orgies, group sex, sex with objects, animals, children, the despicable list could go on and on.

    Sexual urges need to be controlled and allowed expression in the proper context which is marriage between a man and a woman. It is like taming a wild animal and putting it in a cage. Surely within such a good marriage, based on love, trust and understanding, aspects of our sexuality can be explored safely and lovingly.

    This is cleaner and purer and with a greater feel-good factor than putting it about with all and sundry. This is what my soul tells me anyway. My body might say different, but I choose to strive to be ruled by my higher self.

    I am a Baha’i by faith.

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