At what point did you choose the colour of your eyes?

March 7, 2007

Was it in the womb? Did you hear a voice, or was it a feeling? Where colours put before you and even though you didnt know their names you selected one and that was the colour of your eyes? Or was it when you came out of the womb? Did the colour of your eyes turn the same colour of the first thing that you looked at?

Of course they fucking didnt. You didnt choose the colour of your eyes, it, well, just happened.

At what point did you choose to fancy the opposite sex? I will not write out a ridiculous set of possibilities again. The point is you didnt. You did not make a decision to fancy the opposite sex, to get turned on by them, to want to jump into bed with any hot individual of the opposite sex that your eyes fell upon. That didnt happen, it wasn’t a choice.

Homosexuaity and bisexuality is exactly the same deal. I never woke up one day and thought, hell, you know what I am going to make my life incredibly painful and difficult and have a passion for both men and women.

And painful it is. The other morning I woke up screaming out to a ‘God’. I asked him why.

Sometimes I just want to be normal. I want to know what it is like to find a woman attractive, to be with her, to be her man, to give her children and to share my world with her. I want to know what this feels like. I don’t. I doubt that I ever will.

Right now I see a girl, she is beautiful, I want to kiss her, I want to hold her. I turn around and a man stands before me, his arms are strong, his body speaks of boldness and strength and he has a damn cheeky grin. I want him too.

Do you think that I made a decision for my life to be like that? Of course not!

If a decision was thrown your way, there are two possible outcomes. The first, the rest of your life is amazing. The second, your life is sheer hell. Do you really need time to think about which option you will take. No.

Look in the mirror, the colour of your eyes will remain the same. They wont change. It is the same with my sexuality. I am stuck with it.

I sincerely wish that I wasnt.

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