Archive for the 'Understanding Bisexuality' Category

A vision of the future through the pain of the past?

December 12, 2006

Young people don’t give a fuck! Well, technically they do – they give a damn about many things but they dont necessarily have hang-ups about aspects of life that an older generation may have had problems with. I would guess that young people are rebelling from the bondage of the past that kept their parents in slavery and they are walking into a new future. Historically, the morals and values of society were based upon Christian principles. Christianity believes that homosexuality is a sin. Many gay / bi-sexual men moved into marriages and tried to deny their sexuality, for the sake of what they believed was right. Stigma about homosexuality and bisexuality grew so that those who chose to come ‘out’ were percieved as inferior. Ironically, for many gay / bisexual men and women they exchanged who they were in order to live out traditional family values – but was this fake, forced, not real? Today, where do we stand? Young people have exchanged ‘family values’ for community values. There is a hell of a lot of rebellion going on. Young people are turning away from their parents with their traditional family values and they see hypocrisy so they turn to their friends. Young people build bonds with their friends that are deeper than those that they have with their family. With regards to sexuality teenagers are happy to explore, without the Christian morals that state that homosexuality is wrong. In fact, as Christianity loses it’s hold over society I believe that we will see a generation rise who will explore their sexuality without concern and without labelling themselves – homosexual / bisexual / hetrosexual.

A book has been written that looks at some of the development of sexual orientation amongst young people;

The New Gay Teenager Ritch C. Savin-Williams

2005 Distinguished Book Award from the American Psychological Association Division 44

Gay, straight, bisexual: how much does sexual orientation matter to a teenager’s mental health or sense of identity? In this down-to-earth book, filled with the voices of young people speaking for themselves, Ritch Savin-Williams argues that the standard image of gay youth presented by mental health researchers–as depressed, isolated, drug-dependent, even suicidal–may have been exaggerated even twenty years ago, and is far from accurate today.

The New Gay Teenager gives us a refreshing and frequently controversial introduction to confident, competent, upbeat teenagers with same-sex desires, who worry more about the chemistry test or their curfew than they do about their sexuality. What does “gay” mean, when some adolescents who have had sexual encounters with those of their own sex don’t consider themselves gay, when some who consider themselves gay have had sex with the opposite sex, and when many have never had sex at all? What counts as “having sex,” anyway? Teenagers (unlike social science researchers) are not especially interested in neatly categorizing their sexual orientation.

In fact, Savin-Williams learns, teenagers may think a lot about sex, but they don’t think that sexuality is the most important thing about them. And adults, he advises, shouldn’t think so either.

(Source: http://www.hup.harvard.edu/catalog/SAVNEW.html)

In contrast there was the recent story of Church leader, Ted Haggard who was removed from Church leadership because of an encounter with a male prostitute. A second Church leader has now been removed from Church leadership because of male sexual encounters, he has stated that he has struggled with his sexuality since he was 5 years old:

ENGLEWOOD, Colo. — The founding pastor of a second Colorado church has resigned over gay sex allegations, just weeks after the evangelical community was shaken by the scandal surrounding megachurch leader Ted Haggard.

Haggard, a gay-marriage opponent, admitted to unspecified “sexual immorality” when he resigned last month as president of the National Association of Evangelicals and pastor of the 14,000-member New Life Church in Colorado Springs. A male prostitute had said he had had sex with Haggard for three years.

On Sunday, Paul Barnes, founding pastor of the 2,100-member Grace Chapel in this Denver suburb, told his evangelical congregation in a videotaped message he had had sexual relations with other men and was stepping down.

Dave Palmer, associate pastor of Grace Chapel, told The Denver Post that Barnes confessed to him after the church received a call last week.

The church board of elders accepted Barnes’ resignation on Thursday.

On the videotape, which The Post was allowed to view, Barnes told church members: “I have struggled with homosexuality since I was a 5-year-old boy. … I can’t tell you the number of nights I have cried myself to sleep, begging God to take this away.”

Barnes, 54, led Grace Chapel for 28 years. He and his wife have two adult children.

Palmer said in a written statement that “While we cannot condone what he has done, we continue to support and love Paul.” (AP)

Source: (http://www.planetout.com/news/article.html?date=2006/12/11/4&navpath=/news)

This sadens me greatly. Of course we can state how this man was in the wrong, to have a gay affair. We can talk about how his he may have been hypocritical in his preaching and practice. Nevertheless, he felt that he had to repress who he was because of his beliefs and the beliefs of those around him and this is sad.

So, a look at the future? Will young people throw off Christian morals and traditional family values in an exploration towards who they really are? Will Christianity, or religion, survive in such an environemt? Only time will tell. The one thing that I am certain of is that young people are being bold enough to throw off prejudice and judgement and my hope is that this will lead to less pain through failed marriages and disappointment for those who have to look upon the ‘fallen’.

Bisexuals – an inferior species?

November 19, 2006

What a weekend! I will tell you the whole story:

Kinda freaked me on Friday. A mate of mine was on msn and he basically said that he thought I was gay – he wasnt being harsh, homophobic or anything else, he was just explaining that he thought this. To be honest this really fazed me. I am trying to figure out my own sexuality without trying not to place myself under any label. I didnt know how to respond because I am trying to figure that out. It’s fluid.

 Current thought process of sexuality: A bi guy who does not want anal sex either giving or recieving.

I didnt want to tell this guy that I wasnt interested in guys, I didnt want to lie to him but I didnt want to be labelled as gay, because I am not. I was shocked. I didnt know how to respond and this created an awkward silence between us, for about a day. On Friday I basically explained to this guy my feelings, again over msn and he was cool with it.

Forward to Saturday, out with the lads. I just got a bit sick of it to be honest. There was so much banter about homosexuality – this wasnt aimed at me or because of what this other guy said it is just their lad attitude. They were commenting on everything from gay sex to being derogatory about others, e.g. ‘He is so gay’. It wound me up. It probably wound me up because I am moving forward in at least mentally exploring my own sexuality. Anyway, point is, I hated the conversations, I hated the way it made me feel. I felt like a freak. I was shocked.

Why was I shocked?  I felt inferior. I felt like they were the blokes, that they wanted to ‘shag’ women. They talked about sexual positions, about cumming on girls faces, about what their fantasies are. When conversation arose of a homosexual nature I felt second class. I felt like I lacked worth. I was inferior. I felt like a second class bloke. I resigned to just being quiet as I tried to understand it all.

On reflection I have realised that I have felt so comfortable just talking about my sexuality, exploring my sexuality and trying to understand myself more. I have been comfortable and secure in reading other people’s blogs, reading their stories and experiences as we follow a similar journey. I have found a place, a ‘home’ and this has helped to indeed relax and explore. I have realised, however, that this has made me too comfortable to the point that I was shocked at the conversation of my friends. It made me realise that as I explore these issues I need to guard my heart. I need to protect myself.

I still feel inferior and I wonder whether I always will feel that way. I wonder whether I will ever truly be able to explore my sexuality.

On the plus side, I was dancing away with a girl on the stage at a nightclub. She was hot. She got me hot. We kissed. We kissed again. We kissed. We danced. We exchanged numbers. She was nice. I really, really, really enjoy kissing and I love playing around as I kiss. I loved teasing her as I touched her lips softly with mine. I then altered the pressure as my tongue slipped into her mouth. I took control as I placed my hand on her face, gently. I pulled her body close to mine and teased her as we kissed. It was awesome. People were dancing around and we were in our own little world, a brief new world as we collided together for a brief moment in time. I was secretly so pleased when she pulled me close and told me that I was a great kisser. She even text me the same thing again this morning. I love kissing. I love it. I want to do it again, now. I cant wait to have that intimacy with a beautiful man. 

Don’t get me wrong, this wasnt an attempt to feel ‘manly’. She was just nice. Probably wont meet again. The kissing made me happy.

We stayed at the lads house that I have previously talked about – the guy I want to kiss. I stayed in the same bed as the guy who said he thought I was gay – so all was cool there!